Dearest friends and uncouth fiends alike,

I write to you from the Gorge of Peril as I lay siege to the perilous terrain here. My good comrade Sir Robin is of no use down here as he has degenerated into a babbling fool. During the day he cowers in his tent while the harpies make their rounds, shrieking and squawking like banshees. By nightfall, the jabberwocky's bright star-like eyes torment him so much he can't seem to sleep a wink. I don't quite understand his pathetic cowering. If only he took a moment to converse with our gorge-mates he would realize that the harpies are only patrolling for forest fires and the jabberwocky is merely the game warden here, making sure we aren't hunting any of the rare nocturnal Assyrian swallows which populate the gorge.

If any of you would be so kind as to contact the fair maids of Castle Anthrax for me that'd be simply fantastic. Please write them and forward their response to me, I'm curious how they've been fairing after the unlawful lighting of their grail-signal. They must be worried sick about me, as I left them in quite a predicament. Please let them know that my quest for the Grail has come to an end I will return swiftly to them to complete the task they'd bestowed upon me. I cannot allow disorder and lawlessness to continue in such a fair fortress, especially amongst such fair subjects! I surely must've stumbled in the bridgekeepers interrogation because of my ungodly retreat from such injustice and I must return to them posthaste, to ensure that the law of the land and our Lord is upheld! This failure in the quest for the grail is a sure sign of my fault in their service, and I must make good on my word to them to maintain my good name and title!

This message should reach all of you in short time, provided the swallows I've sent are good on their word. They tell me it should only take them a few days at most to reach all of you at about 24 miles to the hour!

        Your friend,
            Sir Galahad the Pure

I arrived at the court of King Arthur to beg for assistance in freeing my
mistress, I expected our kind and valiant King to help myself and my mistress,
and rescue her and the other princesses from those dreadful brothers; he gave
the responsibility to a new man at court, despite some resistance from his
knights. The man did not seem eager, but he obeyed his king. He is a very
peculiar man; how he squirms in his armor! As though he has never worn a set

While on our quest many strange things happened: he was not one for conversation, but
begged my help when his armor became too hot for him. He asked me to pour water
down his armor, which I did, but then was unable to help him back on his horse.
I could see the wheels in his mind turning, cursing the armor. The night was
long, but in the morning we happened upon some peasants, and if you can believe
it, he asked for some of their food!!! A man on a quest, asking lowly peasants
for assistance! I was aghast, and refused to join in their meal. 

However, the most baffling moment of our quest came for me soon before we reached my
mistress. While we trekked along, I began to realize that the way he spoke was
like nothing I have ever heard before! The man used the phrase, “Where do they
hang out?” I was very confused. What does this mean? Is this a common phrase in
the foreign land from which he must be from? While I am grateful for the
assistance on the quest to save my mistress and the princesses, I feel that I am
very confused after the trip with this brave stranger.