I am Sir Galahad, the bravest and best knight in all the land. I have seen Monty Python’s vision of what the Quest for the Holy Grail is like. Never in my noble, God-fearing life have I been so outraged. He got my character completely wrong. Let’s not forget the fact that he left out the most important part of my story, I sat in the Siege Perilous, and didn’t die or implode. On top of that, not to put myself on a pedestal or anything, but I was the only one who pulled the sword out of that block. I wonder who else in our history had done that. Oh! That’s right, our very own King Arthur, who was also made a mockery of. For Christ’s sake the peasant was talking back to royalty. On what land does that happen. The portrayal of Sir Robin though couldn’t have been more on point. There was a reason he was left out of the stories. Not only was it true that we was a coward, but that would have taken away from the nobility and reputation of our exclusive gathering of knights. I don’t know why they compared his bravery to Sir Lancelot. I mean, am I not the best, the bravest, the purest, and the most handsome knight to ever step foot in King Arthur’s Court? That whole Holy Grail could not have been done without me. I have seen the damn thing, and ascended into heaven. In case you are wondering, yes, I did become the best angel’s in God’s Legion and rose up the ranks to become commander. No big deal. Monty Python didn’t think so either I suppose. What was the deal with the rabbit? We have slayed dragons, giant, trolls, giant dragons trolls, and crushed other armies that dare look at us sideways. I actually catch rabbits, for my weekly rabbit stew dinner that I have at the round table when I take my seat at the Siege Perilous. That was the worse piece of Arthurian anything that I have ever seen in my life. My adventure was by far the worse. I set out on the quest on my own, until I met up with Good Sir Bors and Sir Perceval, whom I save from twenty knights. Let me say it again, TWENTY KNIGHTS. Beat that father! The Castle of Maidens was no joke either. I don’t know where Monty, found those horses, but the women at the Castle of Maidens looked like angels. Don’t tell the King, but they made Guinevere look like a troll. But anyway, I have actually seen the Holy Grail, and if you read Morte D’Authur, no other knight had been able to see the Holy Grail. I was brought in to redeem King Arthur for this quest since no other knight was fit to do so. So you dare mock me, Monty Python? I spit on your grave and bite my thumb at you sir. Do not be caught in my cour or I will strike you where you stand.
How could it be that there was a manner of magic so concealed from myself?!? The magic of science?! Who has ever heard such a thing! Ah to have been made a fool of time and time again and for but the one area in which my expertise was lacking. Is it my fault that his magic of science is the countersign to the great spirit who's name I dare not speak who dried the well? I think not!
Had he but told me the nature of his magics we could have worked together as brothers in the robe for the good of all of Camelot but no. No, he desireth to make a mockery of I, the great and powerful Merlin by putting me in charge of the weather... How could I possibly fill this station when it is so vastly below my abilities? Tis, only natural that I should be bored with such an endeavor and as my mind wanders I make mistakes.
Let me tell you of the time Aurthur and I rode together to retrieve for him the great sword Excalibur! Then you shall know of my greatness! ... What? You're all bored with that tale? Fie in you then.