With all my strength, I held back from showing my true feelings for Lancelot upon his return from imprisonment. It was almost impossible to keep myself from going to him and embracing him. Was it Love that I was trying to subdue? Perhaps that was a part of my feelings. But it was more than that. I was as grateful and as moved by his chivalry as I was by any feelings of love. For it was he alone that overcame so many obstacles, so many trials and tribulations in my name. He may have hesitated for just a moment before climbing into the cart, but now that I have the luxury of hindsight, it is clear to me that that was the only hesitation he has ever demonstrated on behalf of me, my welfare and my name. Did he not follow me straight into the forest as soon as I was taken there? My own husband stood idly by as I rode off with Kay, it had to be suggested by Gawain that someone should follow us at all. If it was left to my husband, my safety and well being may still be unknown to this very day. To what ends was I to go with Kay? To prove that I would have done anything to ensure my husbands happiness. I now know that he was incapable of doing the same for me. My heart has never know such sadness as this.
Lancelot on the other hand has done everything in his power to ensure my safe return and happiness. He has sacrificed himself and almost gave up his own life in my name. Lancelot has shown a complete and utter devotion to me, not just as a loyalty to the King and his crown but to me in my own right. And these things have provoked feelings in me that I had not experienced until the bravest of knights brought them out in me. It is possible that some people call it love, but I would argue that is much more than love alone. My feelings for Lancelot go beyond mere romantic love that has the capacity to ebb and flow. My feelings are a mirror of the unwavering devotion I have been shown. It would have been cruel for me to hold back anything from a knight that has done more than expected of a mere mortal. Our love and devotion for each other transcend the bonds of marriage. But by controlling myself upon the return of my brave knight, I was able to make a sacrifice for him, I was able to endure my own pain for his benefit. What good would come to either of us if our shared past was brought into the light? It would bring ruin to us both. And so I reasoned that by keeping still now, we would one day be free to love again.
And alas, it is my deepest wish that all in this kingdom can move beyond Lancelot's transgression in relation to the cart. I would hold that he has done much more with his life than merely taken a ride in a cart. He has proven himself a brave and gallant beyond measure. I pray that these noble attributes become his new legacy.
Lancelot on the other hand has done everything in his power to ensure my safe return and happiness. He has sacrificed himself and almost gave up his own life in my name. Lancelot has shown a complete and utter devotion to me, not just as a loyalty to the King and his crown but to me in my own right. And these things have provoked feelings in me that I had not experienced until the bravest of knights brought them out in me. It is possible that some people call it love, but I would argue that is much more than love alone. My feelings for Lancelot go beyond mere romantic love that has the capacity to ebb and flow. My feelings are a mirror of the unwavering devotion I have been shown. It would have been cruel for me to hold back anything from a knight that has done more than expected of a mere mortal. Our love and devotion for each other transcend the bonds of marriage. But by controlling myself upon the return of my brave knight, I was able to make a sacrifice for him, I was able to endure my own pain for his benefit. What good would come to either of us if our shared past was brought into the light? It would bring ruin to us both. And so I reasoned that by keeping still now, we would one day be free to love again.
And alas, it is my deepest wish that all in this kingdom can move beyond Lancelot's transgression in relation to the cart. I would hold that he has done much more with his life than merely taken a ride in a cart. He has proven himself a brave and gallant beyond measure. I pray that these noble attributes become his new legacy.
Guinivere